


Cut the cameras deadass

by antipathichoe



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Humor, Other, just Obito being embarrassing, or so i hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:40:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21801559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antipathichoe/pseuds/antipathichoe
Summary: Obito is shaving his balls for a hookup using his phone camera as a mirror until he sees he's live on instagram
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Obito
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Cut the cameras deadass

Obito’s alarm went off and he reached to turn it off without opening his eyes, after grabbing his phone he opened Instagram since new notifications showed up on his bar, Kakashi had updated his story with a pic of his breakfast and the new book he was reading, Gai was on live talking about his morning jogging and Kurenai had posted a pic of Asuma doing their daughters hair for school.

Seems like all his old classmates we’re doing well or so they pretended, after graduating from high school they all went to college meanwhile he stayed at home helping his grandma. 

Next thing he did was well… checking his grindr notifications because he was a grown adult that even if he never had a relationship he sometimes had his casual hookups, nothing serious, so he opened grindr at 9am because well what else was to do on a Tuesday morning. Get a job? Not Obito.

There was as always the same 3 old men and the couple on their late 20s looking for a threesome because they wanted to “experiment” Obito hated this town. Suddenly a new profile popped up close to his location it was just a well toned torso on the profile and nothing else.

Top or bottom? – was all the man send him

Obito rolled his eyes he wasn’t going to complain he knew what was this about, after all he wasn’t a newbie on this.

Whatever you want- he send back

Are you free tonight? – he typed – want some head?

Now Obito could do that, as long as it wasn’t in some parking lot or behind a trashcan (he been through both) he was down for it.

See you at 10?

I’ll send you the address—was all he said.

After his grandma woke up Obito made breakfast for the both of them and they ate in silence watching the news, then Obito did his daily routine of watering the plants, feed his grandma’s parrots and then he went to the market to buy some groceries. After doing the laundry and iron the clothes he watched TV some hours while his grandma took a nap. 

When it was close to the hour Obito told his grandma he would go out to run tonight.  
His grandma knew damn well he didn’t run, but she didn’t questioned either, it’s not like she wanted seeing him sat on his ass in front of the TV all night.

Obito took his clothes off and went to the bathroom, he needed to shave since he hadn’t do it in some weeks, he put oil on his pelvis so it won’t cut his skin and grabbed his pink razor, when he was about to grab his hand mirror the oil make him fall from his hand and the mirror broke.

“Fuck” Obito said after cutting his finger trying to grab the pieces “Headass” he whispered to himself. Now how will he shave down there and make sure to not cut his balls in the process. Obito grabbed his phone and used the front camera as a mirror.

He started trimming the longer pubes first and then with the razor he took out the hair on his groin. He left the phone on the bathroom floor and squated over the camera so he could see, with one hand he grabbed his balls to accommodate the wrinkled skin meanwhile he passed over the razor with the other one.

“Fuck damn” he had cutted the left side of his member with the razor and started bleeding. “Well done Obito” he complained while dropping the razor. He reached for the toilet paper with one hand to clean the blood. The cut was little but it hurted like shit.

After cleaning he went to grab his phone of the floor and saw a red point on the screen, he through it was blood but after put it close to his eyes he noticed it was a heart emoji.

“What the fuck? “

The screen was full of emojis some laughing ones and some others threwing up and others of the dead emoji one. Obito read the comments.

m.gai : what in God’s green earth

riiiiiin : Obito? 😰😕

kurenai_sarutobi: what is DIS hunny 💀💀

saru.asuma : it’s so little 😂😂😂😂

Oh no, he left Instagram opened, and his account was on live, it couldn’t be…

OH NO  
OH HELL NO

FUUUUUCK NO

Genma: ??? I am disgusted

They all have seen it… him squating on his bathroom shaving his balls. All his old classmates had watched the whole scene. 

Ka.ka.shi: Obito what the fuck is wrong with you?

Not Kakashi. Not him. Well it was over.

Obito turned off the phone and opened the water while he sat in the floor. This was it. He had hit rock bottom. How will he go through this, of all the things he did through the academy there was nothing more embarrassing as him on live showing how he shaved his balls. Even Asuma said his dick was little as if he needed to know that fact.

He would never leave that bathroom, he would never go out again actually he could live of the oat bars his grandma been saving in the kitchen since he was a kid and not eat nothing else what was the point anymore. He could go outside and interact with his old friends knowing they all graduated from college, they all had stable jobs, they all were successful adults with busy lives, that Rin had rejected him in front of everyone during high school, that he was alone at prom and everyone mocked him, and that he didn’t lose his virginity until he was 24 with a guy he met on grindr and had fucked him on his Honda in a Walmart parking lot during his shift break, and that he was unemployed and living of his grandma probably until she died and he had to go somewhere else. 

But this? He could never. His life was over there.  
Rest in peace Obito Uchiha may someone remember when you were popular on reddit fighting teenagers over games of thrones theories.


End file.
